My prayers and thoughts today

I found myself wanting to fight this morning.  Now, at one time in my life I might have just thought that is normal. Maybe someone needs to be put in their place, and certainly I can be the girl for the job. But that's not how I am now. So I start really getting to the core. 

Fear.

I've been wondering so much, are You sure God?? Surely I am not equipped. And where am I going to get the money? How this and how that? And a lot of "are you sures??" I mean I already love a building and its got tons of character and tons of broken windows. Oh and when/if I get the money to buy the building how will I get the money to pay for the things that need repaired.

And so I asked for prayer and started my list of thankfuls.

Dear God, 

Remember when I was little and You gave me the desire to be a teacher, well, God I'm sorry I gave up on that dream. But God thanks for never getting rid of my desire and love for muffins. And God, thanks for letting me love the craziest of kids, and thanks for making Phyllis not crazy :) and God thank You for teaching me that hard work matters. And thank you for your grace when I didn't. Thank you for giving me that i can do and ill never give up attitude. thanks for helping me to let go of pain and the ability to hold on to sweet memories. And thank You for my crazy desire to cook and thank you for calling me to go on mission trips and thank you for helping me to recognize that every day and every step I take is a mission trip because that's what my life is.  And thank you that even though today I look like I should be Haiti not an office, thanks for my skirt to remember that you called me to do crazy things.  And God thanks for Marianna that you put in my path on Saturday God to remind you are everywhere and that I could see you in her and thanks that I got to ask that other little girl the name of her dog in Spanish.

And God it comes to no surprise to you, but I'm scared. I'm afraid of mucking it all up and then my life doesn't point to You. 

God I know this fear is separating me from you because its painful, so God I'm holding on with both hands, and I'm not letting go. I can't make it without you. I loveyou and I thank you that you never ever let me go!!

God please keep my feet in complete step with yours. I loveyou.

Thanks for loving me, surely I don't deserve it.

Sending love

Monday Ramblings!

It was an absolutely beautiful weekend!

Exciting news… I bought new front tires. The truth is that last time it rained I was made fully aware (I really kind of already knew) that I needed new tires when I hydroplaned in the rain on the lodge at the 94 interchange. That was a couple weeks ago, I just didn’t have the time to go get the tires. I carved out time on Saturday to take care of this very important need. It’s done now. Things like that remind me that I need a husband. I hate taking care of car stuff, even though I can… I don’t like it.

I also planted my garden this weekend, I know that technically, according to my very awesome landscaper and friend Drew, I am not supposed to plant until after Memorial Day, I had to get it done. And so I did. I love planting my garden, I really needed to get the black sheet to cover it so I get fewer weeds, but I will do it the hard way and put it down now. Story of my life… doing it the hard way.

I planted the following:

2 yellow onion
1 purple onion
8 zucchini
4 spaghetti squash
4 jalapeño
8 cabbage
8 tomato plants

8 Red leaf lettuce

8 romaine

8 spinach

I have yet to plant:

8 cukes

Basil

Cilantro

Tomatoes

Parsley

3 tomato plants



I was pulling weeds and thinking that I am so glad I’ve slowed down my life(I’ve got a post rolling around in my head about life lessons and gardening), I really do love being domesticated! I love taking care of my family, and certainly, I like having a clean house. I’ve stopped doing a lot of things so that I can take care of me and my family. And I love that the weather has finally decided to be nice, so when I meet with friends, it won’t be to eat but to walk! Which is good for my body and my pocket book!

I love Jesus, I really would like to be a proverbs woman. Like seriously, I know that just like I had to work on the fruit of the spirit, I have to work on that too, and as I grow closer to Jesus, and listening to His heart for me, I become more like that woman He has created me to be.

And by the way… I need someone to hold me accountable to do my bible study, I stunk it up last week… only did the book twice :/ But for the record, I prayed, read the bible, just didn’t do my study (I don’t replace prayer or reading with my study, it’s an addition)

Proverbs 31:10-31

10 [b]A wife of noble character who can find?

She is worth far more than rubies.

11 Her husband has full confidence in her

and lacks nothing of value.

12 She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

13 She selects wool and flax

and works with eager hands.

14 She is like the merchant ships,

bringing her food from afar.

15 She gets up while it is still night;

she provides food for her family

and portions for her female servants.

16 She considers a field and buys it;

out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.

17 She sets about her work vigorously;

her arms are strong for her tasks.

18 She sees that her trading is profitable,

and her lamp does not go out at night.

19 In her hand she holds the distaff

and grasps the spindle with her fingers.

20 She opens her arms to the poor

and extends her hands to the needy.

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;

for all of them are clothed in scarlet.

22 She makes coverings for her bed;

she is clothed in fine linen and purple.

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,

where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

and supplies the merchants with sashes.

25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;

she can laugh at the days to come.

26 She speaks with wisdom,

and faithful instruction is on her tongue.

27 She watches over the affairs of her household

and does not eat the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise and call her blessed;

her husband also, and he praises her:

29 “Many women do noble things,

but you surpass them all.”

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,

and let her works bring her praise at the city gate



 

This is the box from my Subi beads
I love the sayings all over the box!

The gift of obedience

It's a funny thing.

I caught myself at times today just grinning. Nothing exceptional was going on I would be standing there and I would catch myself overcome.

Today was an act of obedience. I serve/go with/to in Detroit that I really love. Today they had an outreach. I'm not really sure if they needed me, they had great volunteers. But really I felt like I needed to be there so I signed up. 

And actually, after getting new tires and going to the local farm market I was tired.  I showed up and it was kind of funny because there wasn't really anything for me to do so they asked me to round up some kids for the "free toy give away". I went and invited the cutest little girl. Her abuela (gma) said she was shy. And honestly I turned around and walked to the next "muffin" and God said "go get her" so i invited her to hang out with me. We went over played a couple games, she got her face painted, and then she worshipped in song, listened to the story of Jesus, we hung out for 2.5 hours. 

I'm not gonna lie, there were moments that were uncomfortable for me because I tend to be task oriented. But let me tell you, those hours were a complete gift from God for me. 

Her smile. Watching her dance that last song all by herself! Watching her start as a very shy girl to this outgoing "I want to dance with buddy" girl, it was a complete gift.

Obey.

God so many times has told me that I need to open myself up, "be relational Margie, I called you to love, Margie, I created you for that, and that alone". 

All those things need to be done. Yes, and I will continue to be open to serve  where He has called, and I will love. 

Today's act of obedience as He called me to step outside of me and a step closer to Him, which, is one of the greatest gifts He has given me.

Thank You Jesus for loving me, thank You for creating me to love You and the people You love.

Stepping forward

We will never value what God values until we give back to Him what is already His. ~barefoot church 

Sometimes (ok almost every time) I think about the thought of the community center I think "really me?" 

I remember telling someone I love and respect what I am going to do and they literally looked at me like "yeah right" which I completely understand. How could this single mom who is always busy find the time, let alone the funds to do such a thing? Well, I don't know. But God!

I will admit that my retirement account sucks and its getting better bit no where near what it should be there are a lot of reasons for that. I wonder... When the community center opens and I need to quit my job, what on earth will happen to my retirement savings. And then I think if the verse that says that we are not to worry about tomorrow today has enough troubles of its own, so that doesn't mean that I stop thinking about it or that I don't prepare it means, simply, I do what I know to do... And let God handle the rest. 

I don't claim to have all the answers but I plant my garden and spend less on food in the summer, I make my own tea instead of stopping at Starbucks, I means less becomes more because it means more. 

I think I'm nuts so I can only imagine what others think. But God... He thinks I'm awesome and beautiful. 

For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

Good to me!

My friend netta once told me that any book in the bible can lead someone to Jesus or something like that. 

We just finished a 6 week study by Beth Moore called the law of love. I don't think I could have handled more than 6 weeks honestly. Sometimes I've got the attention span of a gnat and add in warm weather I just think its timing was perfect.

Quite often I used to think of the book of Deuteronomy as a book of rules... Well... It is the book of the law, so that actually makes complete sense. But after this study, I really see the love in the words that are written. I told my friend Gail - I can see why this book would lead someone to Christ not in a hell fire and brimstone sort if way but in a God is love sort of way.

I will tell you, my life isn't perfect oh for goodness sake, it's far from perfect and there are lots of things that I wish I could do differently but I can't change the decisions I've made but I can humbly come before the King of Kings and ask for forgiveness and the way that He thinks I should go.

Lately I just cannot control my tears. I find myself walking through a parking lot, arm in the air singing and tears in my eyes.

He is just too good to me.

So if you see me crying, it's probably not because I'm sad, it's because I'm completely overwhelmed with the greatness of God.

One step at a time

Maybe eating healthy comes easy for you. It seems like it’s a lot of work for me, and honestly, sometimes I just want to throw in the towel and end up looking like a line backer. Add going organic to the whole mix of things… and it’s enough to make me want to jump off the roof of the grocery store.

But the problem is… I can’t find the stairs to the roof… and putting healthy things in my body makes me feel better, my attitude is better, I poop better (ok whatever, get over yourself if you don’t poop – waste wasn’t meant to stay in your body). A garden seems very overwhelming to someone who is going to be on 3 mission trips in one summer. But what is the alternative? Quite frankly, I don’t feel like there is one.

I ordered the Crockin Girls Clean Crocking Cook Book a couple days ago. I go into Meijer and pick up a few staples here and there as to not overwhelm myself with crazy grocery bills! Yes, I am aware that I am spending the same amount but it seems less painful this way.
Also, eating clean and not “out” is not convenient for my crazy busy lifestyle. It means I have to plan, cook, clean, HOWEVER, my own cooked food tastes better, it’s healthier, and even with buying organic, its cheaper.

So I think I will be cleaning out my pantry this weekend and donating some food to some people I love. All of this is work, but anything worth having is work. And being healthy is worth the work.  This is also going to help me so that I have less stuff to move!!

I’ll be sharing any good recipes I get for my crock pot! We can’t do this alone! We have got to encourage each other!! And help each other out! I’ll be checking out websites and blogs of people who are doing the same things! I did sign up for Nature Box for some new ideas for snacks, I will let you know how that turns out!

As my friend Robin Torres says “We got this!!”

Ecc 4:9 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor

And have you noticed how many bad for you recipes are shared on FB?? Thank you to those who share healthy alternatives!! Let's help each other!

Chicken, potatoes, and green beans

I love my crockpot but often the recipes are full of cream of soups or I just don't think they have enough flavor. 

I saw this great recipe about 10 people's Facebook but I just don't have time to make that kind of dinner during the week so I decided to tweak the recipe a little and make it in my crockpot. I love my crockpot!! 

If this recipe comes out as good as I think it might, this could be a staple recipe in our house.

I used hormone free chicken, organic lemons, garlic, olive oil, and potatoes. The green beans I had frozen so I wanted to use them up (to make room for more organic stuff).

Chicken, potatoes, and green beans

6T olive oil

2 lemons

 -1 sliced

-1 juiced

4 cloves garlic (I might have added 5 haha!)

1t sea salt

1/2 t pepper

1 lb green beans

1 lb chicken breast (cut in cubes)

2 russet potatoes, cut in large chunks

In a small container combine the first 5 ingredients

In a large bowl, toss grean beans with half of the lemon/garlic mixture

Put in crockpot

Put chicken and potatoes in same big bowl, mix with remaining lemon/garlic mixture. Top green beans.

Cook in crockpot low for 7-8 hours.

Masterpiece kind of days!

I have to admit something to you… I eat out way too much. I love getting out, I love that it’s convenient, I love that someone else prepares my food, and someone else cleans it up. I mean come on. But what I don’t love is that food goes to waste in my own fridge, or that toll that it takes on my wallet.



that's my peep Kelly from work!

God’s been working on that with me. I’ve been making my smoothies that contain at least 5 servings of fruits and veggies everyday. And lately I’ve been enjoying doing my bible study outside at a nearby park. I invited a friend to go with me. I brought a super yummy salad that had the following veggies (all organic) romaine lettuce, tomatoes, broccoli, celery, black beans, and cukes. I topped with egg salad made from organic eggs (no the mayo was not organic but I’m moving towards getting there).

We were sitting there talking about what a beautiful day it was and how sometimes we don’t want to go back in. But I thought (and said), God painted us a masterpiece today, it’s a picture perfect day, and what if we painted a masterpiece but no one ever came to look at it because they were too busy, and later I thought “or didn’t come to see it because they might never see it again”? That would be horrible. But today He did that for us. We should enjoy it.

It’s never too late to enjoy what God has given us. Maybe we can be regretful about the things we might have missed in our lives, but that’s no reason to not enjoy things today and going forward.

Psalm 118:24 The Lord has done it this very day; let us rejoice today and be glad.

Soaring in Freedom and Beauty!

Phil 4:12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

In my life it is true, I know what it is to be in want, and to be in plenty. Just my bank account. I know what it is to want something so much and to have your dreams come true. And to be honest, I don’t know which is better or worse. There are good and bad of both. Having first world problems makes me take things for granted. When I complain that in my car I cannot reach the ATM buttons without opening my door, or that my iced tea isn’t strong enough. Really? That’s just stupid. I remember times when I didn’t have money to put in the ATM or that I didn’t even have the money to buy tea, that was a privilege, a treat.

But today I was thinking about how I know what it is like to be in bondage, and I know what it is to be like in freedom. I have been crying for a week in complete praise of Jesus. I think of the things that got me to this place. This place where I feel like my spirit soars. I mean a lot of times I have found comfort in the scripture Is 40:31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. But I found comfort in the fact that I needed to find hope, that when I felt hopeless and tired that eventually I would soar, that when I hoped in Jesus, I would run and not grow weary, but I found that comfort in the times when I was… tired. But now I think of that verse differently today.

Is 40:31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

For a long time, I served people because I thought that I was supposed to do, and it is, I am called to serve. But really I am called to serve jesus, and in that I serve others. I’ve been learning to do the things that God has called me to do and when to rest. And in that, I have found that my heart is filled with joy when I serve.

In having joy, I have found a new connection with Jesus. I’ve always been connected to Jesus, I’ve felt His direction and I’ve heard it. I’ve even have seen visions of what He has planned. But in finding this joy, in working on the pain in my life, I’ve found this freedom that I’ve never known. I actually feel like I’m soaring. And if, for even just a moment, I am outside His will or not resting when I should, it is painful for me. It’s like a tazer to my spirit. Ouch! It doesn’t take long to get reconnected because for the love of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, who wants to feel tasered, not me, that’s for sure.

Do you remember when you were a child and someone big and strong would lift you above their head and you’d feel the sun on your face and the wind rushed through your hair? Oh I do! That’s what I feel like now. That God has broken the chains that held me down for so long… and now, I’m free and I feel the sun on my face and the breeze through my hair that my arms are wide open waiting for whatever God has planned, or maybe just waiting for the next hug I’m not sure. (“My kids” know that when I stick my arm out as they walk by that means “I’m waiting for my hug it’s the universal sign for “give Margie a hug”)

John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed

I’M FREE!!!!! For the first time in my whole life, I’m free.

I can’t even put into words what that means. I’ve always been willing in my heart to follow Jesus but there has always been this part of me that says “what if” or that the people who would plant doubts because of their own fear would get into my head and paralyze me. Ugh. Now I see the reasons they said such things… fear. And since I don’t believe in fear, I pray and take a step.

I know that there are so many things that God has in store for me, great crazy plans, I’m so excited! I’m excited to take this feeling of freedom and put it into action (whatever that looks like!!) I’m excited to love more than I’ve ever loved before because I don’t fear getting hurt or that someone will leave me, I just am not. I’m ready to love. Love whoever comes into my path, whether it’s a husband or a grandma who is carrying for her family, or a child or a momma, I am prepared to love.

My daughter made me a card for Mother’s Day and it really was the most beautiful thing I had ever read in my life. At the end she said “I read in a book ‘sometimes people are beautiful, not in looks, not in what they say, but in who they are’ that is you all the time”. Wow. For someone who never thought they were beautiful that never really felt worthy of anything and not in a humble way but in a low self-worth sort of way, that was amazing to read because I never really did feel beautiful or worthy of love, and I feel almost like I was robbed of a gift. But now that I have the gift of knowing that God created something beautifully in me, I plan on loving that gift, keeping it in my treasure box on display for the world to see and feel, in hugs and meals, and smile and tears (oh the tears, I keep crying in thankfulness, it’s really getting ridiculous I tell you!). I hope that in some way, I hope to help others recognize the beauty they have for the world to see!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14

If you haven’t watched this yet, you need to. And if you’ve already watched it, watch it again! OHMYWORD! This kid is a muffin!

Mother's Day !

We celebrated Momma's day today because Phyl was out of town and so we went down to SW Detroit for dinner and then ran to the church and then came home and watched kid president!

What a great weekend! I cried so much that I finally prayed to stop crying!! I'm just so overwhelmed with thankfulness!!! So many years I cried because I was sad.  Now I cry because He is so good!!

Happy Mother's Day to me! And you!

Sending love!

Lessons in my life!

There are a lot of lessons from our mommas that we learn. I grew up without my momma so she taught me differently than most. I also learned a lot from my dad and mommas in my life who weren’t my biological momma. I’ve learned as I’ve grown as a momma. I’ve done a lot of things as a momma that I wished that someone had done for me.

The most important lesson I learned as a momma is to hold on tight. Hold on tight to love. Do not take one day for granted because truly I have no idea how long I will have to love someone. My momma died when she was 31 and you can read the story about how I’ve felt most of my life here, but honestly, I thought I’d die when I was 31 and I thought I better make tons of memories as possible so that my daughter will remember me. I remember thinking my whole life my dad would die and I’d ask him “how do I know you won’t die too?” those are the kind of questions you ask when you’ve lost a parent and he would say “I just won’t”. I have no idea how he knew he wouldn’t. but I didn’t have that kind of faith in whether I would live or die, so I knew to make the days count. I took lots of pictures and there were lots of hugs and kisses, lots of snuggling, and lots of laughter. Birthdays were also a big deal in our house. My dad gave me great birthdays and I wasn’t going to be different, although some may have said that I was a little over the top a lot of times… but oh well, I’m kind a little over the top anyway…

Learn how to cook. Homemade stuff is amazing! Now, I am not talented to make very many cool things, but I can make a meal. I even remember learning how to follow a recipe And I have made countless treats and countless meal, and I am blessed that I have the gift of cooking and I have passed that on to my daughter. Homemade is best made… and another thing that I have learned from my dad in cooking is that there is no need to be afraid. It’s a silly thing to have learned in cooking but sometimes we think about the worst thing that can happen. I have thrown away whole batches of chicken noodle soup because they were terrible. Don’t be afraid. And so I think about moving to Detroit, I’m not afraid. I could if you wanted tell you all the reasons why I shouldn’t but I’m not afraid. My dad taught me a lot of lessons in cooking.

But the most important lessons I’ve ever learned was once I become a momma. I learned that there is more love in my heart than I ever thought possible and the only way to keep it is to give it away. You see I became a momma at 20. It was the scariest thing I ever did in my life. Saying yes to something I wasn’t even sure I wanted. But the moment I saw her, it was love at first sight. And she’s such an amazing joy that she smiled at 5 days old and has been smiling ever since. She even smiled in her sleep. Life wasn’t always easy for us, we were poor. And I went to bed hungry because we didn’t have enough food, and when I made $16/hour, her prescriptions were $350 per month. Do the math, that doesn’t leave much left over. I will tell you that I made a lot of sacrfices, I put her before me so many times. I didn’t date people that wouldn’t be a good dad to her. So a lot of times, I just didn’t date. I worked long days after she went to bed because that’s what it took. I would never change a thing!  And as much as people would say I gave, I received far more than I ever gave. In order to get, we must give.

Today I sat and listened to a song “there goes my life” and that song rings so true to my life, I didn’t realize the blessing that I’d received when I got my Phyllis (who is named after my momma if you didn’t know). She’s the biggest greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for!

Thank you Momma, thank you Dad, and thank you Phyllis! You all taught me how to love bigger than I could have ever known.

I loveyou!